Managing expectations on family vacations
Before kids, summer vacations included long beach days, catching up on the books piled up on my nightstand, wandering around shops after an 8pm dinner, games with family and friends until late at night. Now? Summer vacations look a little different. Now vacations are filled with managing nap schedules in between walks up to the beach, 4:30pm dinner reservations and bedtime routines starting at 7pm (including my own). This was our first vacation as a family of four, plus my parents and sister. Looking back, I felt extremely overwhelmed and could not relax. I thought I had lowered my expectations enough to not be surprised but what I realize now is that I didn’t let Jesse in on my expectations. I thought we could just go with the flow and things would turn out okay but what I failed to realize is that in going with the flow, I set myself up for being the one to ensure the flow was going.
Last month, we were on Long Beach Island, NJ for the week. Every day, I kept reassuring myself that it was a short drive home, so if we need to leave, we could. At one point I was taking each day hour by hour. When I look back, I see that I was the one who was the most overstimulated and had sensory overload. My kids were great despite the disruption to their schedules. In the back of my mind, I knew not to have any expectations for my kids, but I forgot to have expectations for myself and Jesse and to communicate them. I should’ve been more clear with him about my expectations of him and discussed how best to handle the kids. What’s that thing therapists are always emphasizing? Oh, right, communication. Of which we did not in preparation of the week nor during the week.
Vacationing with two kids was eye opening compared to just one. While we weren’t outnumbered, we weren’t at home, where our kids have free reign of the house that’s set up appropriately for them. While I was tending to Bee, Bo was a wild man, as any toddler would be. Thankfully, I had my parents and sister and the kids have a great relationship with them so I knew Bo was taken care of if I couldn’t be present.
I have since learned that Jesse and I need to prepare for all the what ifs. We need to go over who is going to do what, what days do we each get to sleep in. If you’re going to leave the room, you need to announce you’re leaving and ensure someone is going to take on the responsibility of watching the kids until one of us is back.
We learned a lot from that week, and I almost feel prepared for our family trip to Maine later this month. The only difference is this will be an 8+hour road trip with a stopover in Massachusettes on the way there and Vermont on the way back. Jesse and I have been consistently discussing the trip so I’m hopeful we’ll be more in sync this time.
What are some of your tips tips for traveling family vacations?
